there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
