normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
