just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
