Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
