I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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