sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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