You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
