Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
