During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mom said you looked used
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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