my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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