This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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