I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
