just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
