Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
