and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
