Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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