New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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