Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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