Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
