I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize