I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
