somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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