I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
