Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Boobs are out for the taking
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
