Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
