Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
