Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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