oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
