I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize