I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
