my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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