holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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