My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
