allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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