the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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