her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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