I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize