I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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