I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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