Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
