May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
