I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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