I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize