Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
