Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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