apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
