I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize