i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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