don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize