you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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