so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
