the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
