so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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