Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
