There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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