I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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