put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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