So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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