Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
