A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
