I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
