She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
