420 ftw
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
