Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
