My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
