I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
